Proud
by unique.and.proud
Summary: This is what we dream about, but the only question with me now, is do I make you proud?" Tony has a startling dream that causes him to ask Gibbs the question 'do I make you proud' Inspired by the song by Taylor Hicks. Tissues may be required. Now Complete
1. Do I Make You Proud

**A/N: This story is inspired by the following song, Do I Make You Proud by Taylor Hicks. **

**I do not own any of the original characters, stories, concepts etc of NCIS or otherwise, they belong to their respective owners.**

**Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Reviews are greatly welcomed. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

_I've never been the one to raise my hand,  
That was not me and now that's who I am,  
Because of you I am standing tall,  
My heart is full of endless gratitude,  
You were the one the one to guide me through,  
Now I can see and I believe  
It's only just beginning,_

_This is what we dream about,  
But the only question with me now,  
Is do I make you proud,  
Stronger than I've ever been now,  
Never been afraid of standing out,  
Do I make you proud,_

_I guess I've learned, to question is to grow,  
That you still have faith, is all I need to know,  
I've learned to love, myself in spite of me,  
And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe,_

_This is what we dream about,  
But the only question with me now,  
Is do I make you proud,  
Stronger than I've ever been now,  
Never been afraid of standing out,  
Do I make you proud,_

_Everybody needs to rise up,  
Everybody needs to be loved, to be loved,_

_This is what we dream about,  
But the only question with me now,  
Is do I make you proud,_

_This is we dream about,  
But the only question with me now,  
Is do I make you proud,  
Stronger than I've ever been now,  
Never been afraid of standing out,  
But do I make you proud, b__ut do I make you proud,_

_This is what we dream about,  
But the only question with me now,  
Is do I make you,  
Do I make you proud._


	2. Prologue

**Prologue**

With that he watched as the man lying before him closed his eyes that small smile still playing on his lips.

He could feel the muscles relax beneath the rain soaked clothes which clung tightly to his body.

He felt the pain that comes with sudden unbearable loss, overwhelming emotions taking hold of his body as the last ragged breath leaves his body and then silence, the finality of that last resounding breath, despite the storm brewing around them, the muffled cries of the rest of the team, the sound of sirens screaming in the distance.

He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face freely mingling with the rain and aware that his hands were still pressed tightly against his chest, redundant now.

He didn't know how long he sat there until he felt a familiar soothing hand on his shoulder and slowly the pressure he was exerting eased off until he removed his hands altogether, he gripped them into balled fists unsure what to do with them and watched mesmerized as the blood trickled down over his knuckles and fell away to the ground.

He felt the force of the hand on his shoulder turn him around slowly bringing him back into the present. A present which he didn't know if he had the strength he had to face, but knew he had to find the courage to as he felt the team congregate around him, Ducky's hand still planted on his shoulder, the heartbreaking sight of Abby running towards them, arms wide open, face tear stained and a look of such pain in her eyes that he couldn't bear to meet them. He couldn't help but glance over his shoulder at the body that lay lifeless on the ground and he wondered if without him that look of pain would ever go away entirely, but he knew that it wouldn't. He was gone and no amount of tears or grieving would bring him back.


	3. Chapter 1

_His hands were pressed into the older man's chest trying in vain to stem the steady flow of blood emitting from the gunshot wound. The blood was seeping unstoppable through the strands of the light fabric of the shirt staining it a glistening bright red. His hands were covered in the viscous liquid; it had quickly made its way under his nails and into the rivets creating his fingerprint, splashes splattering upwards and staining his own shirt._

_The world had slowed down around him, the voices of Ziva and McGee nothing but a distant murmur in the background. He couldn't feel the wind lashing at his body, swirling his hair around his face, and whipping his clothes against this body. He ignored the rain as it began to fall, droplet at a time, mocking him. He tore his eyes away from his boss long enough to look skyward. Feeling the first drops hit his face mingling with his tears. As the rain began to pour he didn't feel it soak through his clothes, gripping his body in a freezing chill, plastering his hair against his wet face. Although he could only watch on as the water mixed with blood as it began to pool on the ground around them._

_He felt a slight movement beneath him and hope immediately surged through his body. He saw his boss open his eyes for the first time since he'd been here by his side._

"_DiNozzo?" it was whispered, in a croaky voice, barely recognizable as belonging to the man that spoke the word._

"_Yeah Boss, it's me" he whispered back, afraid that if he spoke too loudly he would break the spell that seemed to be surrounding them._

"_Take good care of them ok?" he felt dizzy at the words, his heard stopped for a second, and the pressure he was applying to the open wound waivered in that moment._

"_But Boss..." his tears were falling thick and fast now._

"_Don't make me slap you DiNozzo" he managed through his wincing pain._

_He nodded, smiling in spite of the situation and watched as his Boss returned the gesture, weakly and slowly, draining the remaining strength he had left, his eyes closing one more time._

"_Boss?" the word escaped his mouth in desperation, as a sudden overwhelming anger coursed though his body, coupled with the deepest grief and regret imaginable._

_His eyes opened wearily for what he knew would be the last time a small smile gracing his features, lightening up his paling face._

"_I'm proud of you DiNozzo." The last words slipped away with the life that gave them meaning._

_With that he watched as the man lying before him closed his eyes that small smile still playing on his lips._


	4. Chapter 2

Tony watched his Boss out of the corner of his eye from his desk. He watched as Gibbs raised the cup to his lips, hesitating slightly to let the rich scent of the coffee permeate up his nostrils and awaken his senses. He watched as his nostrils flared slightly and the cup was lowered just a fraction to his lips. He watched the almost imperceptible movement of his lips as he allowed the steaming hot coffee entrance into his mouth and the slight bob of his throat as it was swallowed. He watched as never taking his eyes from the computer screen in front of him the cup was once again placed onto the desk a tiny smile evident in the older man's features. _Definitely alive then._ He watched as his Boss turned to face him a slightly irritated expression on his face.

"Something on your mind DiNozzo?" _Yep definitely alive then _he winced internally as Gibbs quirked his eyebrow narrowing his piercing blue eyes at him trying to suss him out.

"Eh no Boss. Nothing" he replied quickly flustering in an attempt to pull some case files closer to him.

"DiNozzo" the word held warning tones that only Gibbs could convey in a single word, spoken in a way that he and he alone could make Tony cringe at the sound of his own name with.

"It's nothing really Boss. I had a dream last night that's all. And... uh ... you kinda featured a starring role in it." He could feel the red tinge rise in his cheeks and he immediately regretted speaking out at all as he heard the snigger of laughter from McGee's desk.

"I don't even want to know DiNozzo" his boss said shaking his head in disbelief.

"No Boss. It wasn't _that _kind of dream. It was a normal dream. But..." he gave up defeated and turned around in time to see a smile of sheer undiluted delight on Ziva's face and knew he'd be ridiculed for this for hours to come.

He huffed, fully aware his face held the pouting expression of a four year old just denied candy. He took once last look over at his Boss before slumping back in his chair. He rubbed his eyes and tried hard to stifle a yawn. He blinked his eyes a few times, moved his lower jaw up and down and stretched his arms out above his head, clenching and unclenching his fingers. He spun his chair around lightly and began the tedious task of paperwork.

*

An hour later he found himself watching his bosses movements again. The way he almost growled at his computer, hitting said computer hard across the side of the monitor when it obviously did something to upset him. The way he typed two fingered slamming his index fingers down on the little keys in front of him. The way he paused every so often to take a sip of coffee and allow his eyes to do a quick sweep of his team.

Before he could be caught out again Tony redirected his gaze back to the report he was trying and failing to write up. He couldn't deny that the dream had startled him. He'd woken up, his heart racing, his breathing ragged and gasping, a thin film of sweat slicking to his body. He'd been tempted to call his Boss there and then just to ensure that the dream held no glimmer of truth, but thought better of it, realizing what Gibbs would do to him should he call him. He'd tossed and turned in bed the remainder of the night, unable to allow himself to surrender to the sleep that was calling out to him. His mind had continually trudged through the images of the dream, replaying every second in his mind, so real it unnerved him.

He'd eventually given in, getting up out of bed hours too early and had contemplated going for a run before deciding that he was obviously spending too much time with Ziva of late and that she was having a bad influence on him, electing to watch The Dark Knight for about the twentieth time instead.

Despite his early rise from bed, he had still managed to only just squeeze himself out of the elevator just minutes before he'd be officially late. He hurried across the squad room, pulling his backpack from his shoulder intent on throwing it down beside his desk and flinging himself into his chair with a minute to spare. He stopped short suddenly, coming to an abrupt halt as he saw Gibbs. A shiver ran unwillingly down his spine and he swallowed hard. He saw Ziva glance up at him and he turned around plastering his patented smile on his face in order to greet her, reaching the conclusion that it was just a coincidence, that Gibbs wearing the same clothes he had been in his dream didn't mean anything. That coincidence maybe sometimes did exist, despite what Gibbs argued otherwise.

*

He was suddenly aware of a presence towering above him and flickered his gaze upwards to be met with the glare of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He tried weakly to send him his 1000 watt smile, but it didn't work with Gibbs, never did.

"finished that report yet DiNozzo?"

"Not quite Boss" he lied, trying subtly to hide the report, or rather lack of.

Gibbs eyed him cautiously before the sound of the cell phone broke their staring match, jerking Gibbs back over to the desk. He picked up a pen as he answered the phone, his eyes never quite leaving his senior field agent.


	5. Chapter 3

"Gear up. Call Ducky. We got a case out at Norfolk Shipyard." Gibbs threw the keys to McGee as Ziva and Tony exchanged a look, vivid images of the last time they were there on a case filling their minds.

"_Friction burns?"  
" Yeah, what difference does it make?"  
" Ah, it doesn't. I'm just wondering how you got them."  
" Well, if you live long enough, maybe I'll tell you some day."  
" You know, I can only take it two ways. Were you and McGee and Palmer were playing Twister last night?"  
" What's a twister?"  
" Exactly. That means you were having--"_

Tony bent down to pick up his bag hiding the smirk covering his face.

" _Oh, poor baby. Who's going to drive you home?"  
"I am. I'm making him dinner tonight." She was suddenly engulfed by a trademark Abby hug.  
"What was that for?"  
" I'm glad you're not dead."  
" Oh, me, too."  
" So what are you making?"  
" Italian."  
" You cook Italian?"  
" Her cooking rocks, Tony! What was the name of that dish you made last night at your party?"  
" Chunks. Slow cooked beef with potatoes and beans. It wasn't bad."_

Ziva drained the remains of her Berry Mango Madness smoothie, throwing the empty cup in the trash can as she reached down to pick up her backpack, a smile gracing her lips, her eyes twinkling at the memory.

"DiNozzo. David." The harsh voice of Gibbs broke them out of their reveries and they both rushed toward the elevator, slipping in just before the doors closed.

*

"So Ton-ay" Ziva began as they passed through the Navy Yard gates "this dream..."

Tony threw a sideways glance at her and saw the teasing in her eyes.

He drew in a deep breath, "I had a dream. The Boss was in it. End of story."

She chucked lightly "I don't think so Tony"

"Ziva" his voice implored, his eyes remaining focused on the road in front of him.

She flashed him the briefest looks of concern before her face was masked again, "ok I will drop it. For now."

The rest of the journey passed in a tense silence. Tony's temper seemed to have flared suddenly and for no apparent reason moments after leaving the Navy Yard. He had angrily taken out his frustration on the pedals and steering wheel. He eyes never moving from their fixed position looking straight ahead. Ziva noticed the little vein in his temple begin to throb softly and she couldn't work out what had gotten her partner so riled. She sat with her arms folded across her chest watching him the entire length of the journey surprised at his restraint in not turning around to look at her or to snap at her as he so often had recently.

She frowned as he drew the van to a shuddering halt at the entrance to the shipyard. Tony was her best friend. He was her partner. If he was not as his best then she had to know why.

"Tony..." she began but was cut off as he threw himself out the van and started to head towards Gibbs who had pulled up alongside of them. She sighed, he'd been angry a lot lately. Often venting his frustration out around her. As she herself stepped out of the van she thought that perhaps that was the result of the deception and heartache that had occurred in the past year, everyone had a breaking point, even it seemed Tony DiNozzo.

*

"McGee, bag and Tag. Ziva, shoot and sketch" Gibbs commanded the scene and indicated that Tony move in closer.

"DiNozzo. If you're not at you're best..." his voice sounded rough and angry but it was inlaid with the subltest tones of concern.

Tony heaved a sigh, "I'm sorry Boss. I'm good. I've got your six" he smiled half-heartedly and Gibbs knew it.

"The dream?" Gibbs hazarded a guess at what had gotten his agent acting so out of character and worked up.

He knew he was right at the way Tony's face scrunched up, and he shook his head.

"It's nothing Boss, I'm fine" He could feel Gibbs's eyes drill into his own before Gibbs conceded and turned to walk away.

"Hey Boss? I was just wondering... do I make you proud?" Gibbs turned to look at the younger man that stood wearily in front of him and chuckled.

"Back to work DiNozzo." Was all he said before walking towards Ducky who was stumbling out of the truck chastising a very ruffled looking Palmer.

*

By the time they'd finished assessing the scene Tony's anger had receded being replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The dream had gotten to him in ways he couldn't describe. The sound of his Boss's last shaky breath still clear in his ears. The feel of his blood seeping through his fingers still there no matter how many times he washed his hands. The image of his Boss, final words said, lips curved into a slight smile, eyes closing one last time burned into his eyes. He couldn't escape the emotions that it had evoked.

He walked slowly up to him partner. Rubbing his face in his hands. Wondering how he could apologise for being such a jerk. _And not just about today either..._ he thought, his mind trailing over the past few months, the war game and his reaction looming at the forefront of his thoughts making him cringe.

"Hey Ziva."

"Tony" her voice was brisk her reply not inviting a conversation. She turned to face him and her expression immediately softened.

"About before, I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize Tony" she smiled "It is a sign of weakness"

"Not between friends. I had no right to treat you that way and I'm sorry." He smiled at her, a smile that just reached his eyes but widened as she smiled back at him.


	6. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just a quick thank-you to anyone who has read and reviewed so far, I appreciate the support and really hope you've enjoyed reading this fic. The next chapter is the finale and will be posted later this evening, because I want to get this story posted before exam season kicks in, wish me luck with those! :D Please review and let me know what you think... Please also remember that lynching is illegal :)**

* * *

Gibbs surveyed the crime scene. A niggling feeling in his gut telling him that something wasn't quite right.

Ducky was lost in a reminiscence of some long ago adventure as he loaded the body of the young petty officer into the truck, Jimmy Palmer by his side obediently paying attention absorbing the story a fascinated look of childlike wonder spreading his face.

His team were over by the van storing the evidence and kit into the back. Joking and tormenting each other as usual. Their sounds of laughter flowed in the breeze towards him. He watched as Ziva placed a hand on Tony's arm and in return received a wide smiled thanks. He heard the disgruntled voice of McGee as the others teased him only to be followed up by the younger agents own chortle.

He continued to watch his team, comfortable in each others presence, fully aware that they were in the company of friends, of family. He figured he knew what Tony's dream had been about, the look in his eyes that morning had plainly stated it all and he allowed his thoughts to drift to Tony's earlier words _do I make you proud? _It had been an exceptionally trying year for all of them. They had gone through so much. Had been wrapped up in a blanket of lies, loss, pain and anger, but they had prevailed and here they were. He saw Tony turn around and catch his eye and he smiled _yes _was the simple undeniable answer_ he was proud of them all._

*

"Shut up Probie" Tony teased playfully punching his team mate on the arm, he heard the laughter spill from Ziva, a beautiful rich sound mingled with the boyish chuckles from McGee.

He turned to find his Boss watching them. In a second that lasted an eternity, understanding flashed before his eyes.

*

Gibbs watched as Tony suddenly lurched forward a look of sheer panic in his eyes. He saw a movement in his peripheral vision and that niggling feeling in his gut rocketed through him in a single second of painful regret.

*

Ziva saw the black clad gunman too late to do anything about it. As the shot rang out she jumped forward but McGee's strong hands stopped her and pulled her in close, as she turned her face away from the sight and into his warm beating chest.

*

His dream flashed through his mind as he made it to Gibbs's side.

*

McGee heard the first shot ring out, reverberating through his body ringing in his ears. The shots that followed fired in its echo. Everything happened in slow motion, he had the insight to pull Ziva in flush with his own body, knowing instinctively that it was too late. It was all over.

*

Gibbs pulled his own gun as he saw Tony do the same. He didn't know who fired first. _Them or the gunman?_

*

Ducky gasped in horror and pulled Palmer down to the ground as the scene unfolded before them, slowed down to an agonizing rate, every emotion etched clearly on his friends faces, every sound amplified to a painful decibel.

*

Tony heard the firing of the bullet shatter the quiet that had enveloped around them. The whistle of the bullets shuttling through the air before they met their target.

*

Gibbs felt the sharp pain penetrate his heart in the moment of impact and he fell to the ground.


	7. Finale

His hands were pressed into the younger man's chest trying in vain to stem the steady flow of blood emitting from the gunshot wound. The blood was seeping unstoppable through the strands of the light fabric of the shirt staining it a glistening bright red. His hands were covered in the viscous liquid; it had quickly made its way under his nails and into the rivets creating his fingerprint, splashes splattering upwards and staining his own shirt.

The world had slowed down around him, the voices of Ziva and McGee nothing but a distant murmur in the background. He couldn't feel the wind lashing at his body, swirling his hair around his face, and whipping his clothes against this body. He ignored the rain as it began to fall, droplet at a time, mocking him. He tore his eyes away from his senior field agent long enough to look skyward. Feeling the first drops hit his face mingling with his tears. As the rain began to pour he didn't feel it soak through his clothes, gripping his body in a freezing chill, plastering his hair against his wet face. Although he could only watch on as the water mixed with blood as it began to pool on the ground around them.

He felt a slight movement beneath him and hope immediately surged through his body. He saw Tony open his eyes for the first time since he'd been here by his side.

"Boss?" it was whispered, in a croaky voice, barely recognizable as belonging to the man that spoke the word.

"Yeah DiNozzo, it's me" he whispered back, afraid that if he spoke too loudly he would break the spell that seemed to be surrounding them.

"Take good care of them ok?" he felt dizzy at the words, his heart stopped for a second, and the pressure he was applying to the open wound waivered in that moment.

"DiNozzo. I don't give you permission to die. You hear me?" his tears were falling thick and fast now.

"C'mon Boss. I don't think that's gonna work this time." he managed through his wincing pain.

He nodded, smiling in spite of the situation and watched as the young man returned the gesture, weakly and slowly, draining the remaining strength he had left, his eyes closing one more time.

"DiNozzo? Tony?" the words escaped his mouth in desperation, as a sudden overwhelming anger coursed though his body, coupled with the deepest grief and regret imaginable.

His eyes opened wearily for what he knew would be the last time a small smile gracing his features, lightening up his paling face.

"I hope I did you proud Boss." The last words slipped away with the life that had been taken too soon.

With that he watched as the man lying before him closed his eyes that small smile still playing on his lips.

He could feel the muscles relax beneath the rain soaked clothes which clung tightly to his body.

He felt the pain that comes with sudden unbearable loss, overwhelming emotions taking hold of his body as the last ragged breath leaves his body and then silence, the finality of that last resounding breath, despite the storm brewing around them, the muffled cries of the rest of the team, the sound of sirens screaming in the distance.

He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face freely mingling with the rain and aware that his hands were still pressed tightly against his chest, redundant now.

He didn't know how long he sat there until he felt a familiar soothing hand on his shoulder and slowly the pressure he was exerting eased off until he removed his hands altogether, he gripped them into balled fists unsure what to do with them and watched mesmerized as the blood trickled down over his knuckles and fell away to the ground.

He felt the force of the hand on his shoulder turn him around slowly bringing him back into the present. A present which he didn't know if he had the strength he had to face, but knew he had to find the courage to as he felt the team congregate around him, Ducky's hand still planted on his shoulder, the heartbreaking sight of Abby running towards them, arms wide open, face tear stained and a look of such pain in her eyes that he couldn't bear to meet them. He couldn't help but glance over his shoulder at the body that lay lifeless on the ground and he wondered if without him that look of pain would ever go away entirely, but he knew that it wouldn't. He was gone and no amount of tears or grieving would bring him back.

Gibbs pulled himself away from the group and they let him walk undeterred over to body of his fallen agent. Passing the body of the gunman, riddled with bullets. His head held high facing his destination. The rain beating down so hard against him that he was beginning to feel numb. That penetrating pain that had sliced through his heart as the bullet had met it's target still aching like it always would be. One loss too many to allow his broken heart to be mended.

He knelt down beside him, gripping his hand in his own the other caressing his cheek gently. His final tear strolling down his cheek and falling onto the chest steeped in blood, still and unmoving in death.

_I hope I did you proud Boss._

"More than you'll ever know DiNozzo. More than you'll ever know."


End file.
